I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
