At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
