I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
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She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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