so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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