i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
