So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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