i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I queefed so loud it echoed.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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