i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
