just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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