He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
