does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
