i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
