so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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