I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
