Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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