The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
