In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
