R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
