I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
