She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
