my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
