yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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