First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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