You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
