i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
