Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
