With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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