After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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