Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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