and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
