I am puke
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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