Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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