Well douche your snatch and let's go!
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
