Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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