Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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