My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
