I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm really busy with my period
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