connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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