please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
