New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
