Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
