His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
