upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
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