Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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