He is an equal opportunity slut.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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