i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
