how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
