just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
We got so high we made milksteak
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
