Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
