I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
