i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize