Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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