he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
