also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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