Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
