Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
