I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
