she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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