mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
this just has baby written all over it
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
