He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to coat check the pizza.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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