i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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