Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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