Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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