how can u be prego again
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
