I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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