Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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