fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
it glows. i had to have it.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
